Okay...Now what?

I remember bringing her home for the first time...in a cold sweat...panicking! Creating a life is one of the easiest things that a man can do, but the trick is raising a productive, ambitious, independent member of society. This was perceived by me to be very complicated, as the child we had just brought home was of the female gender. I had been a boy my entire life, I had no idea what girls really liked to do. I knew what I liked them to do, but that would never do for my baby girl. I'm sure this is a dilemma that many men face when their chickens come home to roost and they are blessed with the gift of a daughter. Before I could begin plotting the path of this beautiful child named Paige, I had to get through the initial nights without dropping or crushing this most fragile of beings. I felt myself tensing as I tried to think of things to do for the baby and my wife. I had the perception that something should always be done, but being new to fatherhood and not having my dad, who passed away in 1992, to talk to, I felt very vulnerable. I didn't want to make any mistakes yet I wasn't sure as to what I should be doing at virtually any moment of the day. I was more than happy when my wife designated tasks for me to complete. If not for the wisdom and calming words of my older brother Vince, who has 2 girls of his own, I would have been a frazzled mess for the early stages of my daughter's life.



Born March 9, 1999, Paige was the most beautiful and wonderful thing I had ever laid eyes on. This was a totally unexpected revelation, as I like most 1st time fathers was hopeful that I would have a son. Ah yes, a son...my boy, a chip off the old block. As I fantasized about the arrival of junior, I could visualize all the things that I would impart to a man child. I saw myself coaching his little league team, shouting encouragement from the stands at football games, wading through a multitude of offers from Div. 1 college coaches and eventually celebrating on draft day...in the first round. All of those visions were deleted when the 5 month ultrasound revealed no male equipment. Now I know that the politically correct thing to say is "I just want the baby to be healthy, no matter what the sex is", and this was true for me as well for I did want a happy, healthy child, but I must say that I was disappointed when it was confirmed that a son was not to be. It took a while for me to remove all mental files of sports themed bedsheets, mini baseball gloves, and nerf footballs, but it had to be done. The only problem with this was that I didn't know what to replace those files with. However the great thing about parenthood is that you learn quickly or get eaten alive.



In the early morning hours of March 9, 1999, my wife and I grabbed the pre-packed bags, locked up the house, and headed to the hospital. Contractions were averaging about 5-6 minutes apart and began to grow increasingly stronger. Dr. Bayly, Jr. had been notified and all systems were go! As we entered the highway on our trek to the hospital, beautiful large white flakes of snow began to fall. It was approximately 1 a.m. so the roads were pretty clear and the snow made everything look very serene. Upon arriving to the hospital I unloaded the bags, got my wife checked in, then went to park the car. All the while an excited, nervous tension permeated my feelings, kinda of like hearing all of your numbers announced in the lottery...except for the last one. Only at the end of this ride there wouldn't be a letdown like that, but more of the unknown, like the first couple of days on a new job that you've been wanting for a long time. When I got back to the room where my wife was, I tried to see if their was anything that I could do for her then I began to call the assembled list of troops that demanded to be notified immediately...My mother-in-law, my mom, my sister, my wife's aunt, my aunt, my wife's cousin, my brother, the academy, all the writers, and so on it went. By 6 a.m. a contingent that consisted of mother-in-law, wife's aunt, mother, and sister had arrived and were in place for delivery. By 9 a.m. the doctor had arrived, did a final check and said "Okay, let me go change and get this show on the road".



Fast forward to 9:20 a.m., the baby is on it's way. The dr. tells me to "look here" and lo and behold it's the top of a little hairy head. Moments later she is out, here in the world, with me, I mean us, beginning life. I take the scissors in hand and cut the umbilical cord, then like a rock star she's whisked away to be cleaned, aspirated, weighed, and a number of other things that I can't recollect at this time. Then a few minutes later they bring this amazing baby back and place her in my arms and I begin to do the one thing that I couldn't help....I cried. Looking at her, how could I have ever wished for anything else. She was perfect in every way and she had the unbelievable ability of making me know that she was just what I needed.